seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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