I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
did i walk over a car last night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
