I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
