false alarm. still invincible.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
