finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
