We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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