Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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