i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize