Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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