so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize