How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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