What a fucking waste of an outfit
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize