1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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