I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
