My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
