Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
