i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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