If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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