I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
