afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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