How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
