I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
