halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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