We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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