No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
