Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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