Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
