Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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