I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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