I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
