You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize