Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
