dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
