omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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