oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YAS. BRING CRAB.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
