she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
