dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
