I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
