Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
