Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
