do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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