so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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