I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
