Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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