turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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