Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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