if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
