you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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