my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
