I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
