K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
