she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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