I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
