Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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