; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
