She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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