Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
