Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
