allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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