He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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