i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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